The years go by so fast. This little one has stayed my baby longer. She has needed more. More late nights, more diaper changing, more soothing, more rocking, more cuddles, more medicine, more doctors visits, more time, just more time to grow up. It has been my pleasure and honor to give it to her. Sometimes I feel like I have been initiated into a club that I never wanted to join, the sacred club of mother’s of children who need much more.
Last year before her birthday I grieved. Four sounded so big. I knew that she was old enough that people would notice that something wasn’t quite right when they met her. I felt like more was expected of her that she couldn’t meet. I thought that at 3 years old that people might just think she was being shy, just some of the baby in her still showing, but at 4 the jig was up, people would know now that she wasn’t like all the rest of the kids. I feared the second looks, the ones where I can tell they are watching her, trying to figure her out, then the sympathetic looks at me. I hate the fake smile I put on pretending not to know what they were just thinking. What else can I do, let tears stream down my face while I scream out all of our problems. Life was so unfair to her. As I write that, I am immediately reminded of how fair life was to Jesus, what a miraculous gift came from Him to this world through his suffering.
The days leading up to this birthday have been full of joy. Not only have I learned more, found more peace in my hope, but Sophie has been doing so well. Every day she seems better. Every day she does something new, or something that she hasn’t done since autism took root. All the milestones that she did not hit, I see her grow closer towards, and so quickly! She open her first present actually tugging on the paper and pulling it off to discover what was inside. I am finally getting to call the grandparents with the “guess what Sophie did today” announcements. Five is going to be a very good year.
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5 Comments
Happy Birthday Sophie
My son has autism and he will be 19 in November! I remember when he could not talk and now he never stops.
He went to mainstream school with support but now he is at college and they are helping his so much, they really are making an effort.
I could go on about him all day as he is such a blessing, as I am sure you could understand.
God bless you and your family, wishing her a wonderful birthday, Helen
Comment by Helen G on July 24th, 2008 @ 2:49 pmHappy 5th birthday sophie, she is very pretty :). Thanks for sharing your story Sarah.
Comment by Glen Allsopp on August 3rd, 2008 @ 9:45 amLine and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Happy Birthday Sophie!
I, too, fear 4 will be the year that people start to notice that things just aren’t quite right. I could have written your post word for word. But, I’m pushing through because these kiddos are getting better, yours and mine included. And at the end, we’re stronger, better parents as a result…. oh yeah, and smarter too! Our grandchildren will be healthier babies too.
Keep plugging away - you’re doing great!! 5 is going to be a phenominal year for you!
Comment by Michelle on July 24th, 2008 @ 1:51 pm