I hear her sing now. Not just one song, she sings lots of songs. I have always sang to my girls as I am putting them to sleep. My special song to them is Moon Shadow by Cat Stevens. I hear Sophie sing this song to herself now. The other day she hopped on to my lap and said “Moon shadow Mommy”. I can’t describe how this feels.
I have always said that she would be healed, that the biomedical treatments were helping and that eventually she would recover, but inwardly, of course, I have had fears and doubts. No matter how much I have tried not to doubt, when day after day went by of her being in her own little world or days of her crying in pain, of course I was afraid of it never ending.
I had no idea it would take so long to heal her. It was Thanksgiving, 3 years ago that we began to realize something was wrong with our little girl. I remember a certain moment that seemed frozen in time where I watched her sit in the middle of the floor surrounded by her sisters and cousins and they were all playing and laughing while she sat with a few toys picking them up and putting them in a line over and over. Then her grandmother asked for a picture and I had to hold her up saying “look at grandma”, knowing she wouldn’t look at her but pretending that there was a chance. I don’t remember what excuse I used of why Sophie wouldn’t look.
I wonder where that picture is. It is strange to think that a picture actually exists of that moment , the very time my heart was being ripped apart. The ride home that night was quiet. My husband had seen it too. I shudder now to think of that time. It still seems like a nightmare. I never even let myself think of things so horrible and here it was happening, I was losing my child and being told she would never come back, she would never marry, she may never be potty trained, have friends or tell me she loves me. All of my dreams were being crushed. All I could do is cling to God and believe that he would not leave me in this pit, and He didn’t. He is faithful.
Sophie is healing right in front of my eyes. It is hard to put this into words. She has made so many improvements but explaining it to someone else is difficult, but I will try my best.
She is now “present” almost all the time. Sometimes she is still spacey. When I am doing treatments that make her yeast flare up or when I become lax in giving her supplements to keep yeast down she becomes spacey and goofy. She will run giggling at nothing or yell and cry and spin in circles. Most of the time she is not like this now. That is now the exception and not the norm. She still hum/moans a lot when she is concentrating. A person who does not know her would see that she has special needs right away.
She answers questions sometimes! I asked her “what is that?” about a toy she was holding and she said ” a girl” . She also told her grandfather that is was a unicorn that she was holding. She also asks for food, drink and when she wants to go somewhere. This is a complete break through!
Her eye contact is wonderful. she looks me in the eye all the time. It is so wonderful to be seen by her. She has relationships with people now. She plays with her sisters. She likes spending time with them and her grandparents. She plays with toys appropriately. At this very moment she is sitting next to me playing with a Dora backpack and she stopped and looked me right in the eyes and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in close for a tight hug and said “my mommy”. Thank you God.
I attribute this to chelation. I see a huge difference when I am chelating and I see improvements after almost every session. Keeping the yeast in check with biotin and probiotics and sometimes GSE also makes a huge difference.
She is at the point now where I can start rehabilitating her. She is here not lost in her own little world. She has lost more than 3 years of the very formative part of her life. It is time for her to do the emotional, mental and social growing that happens between 2 1/2 to 6 years old. She has lost a lot but it seems selfish to grieve that when we have been given so much.
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2 Comments
Congratulations on Sophie’s progress! It is great to see gains! Happy New Year.
Comment by Malia on January 6th, 2010 @ 1:24 pmLine and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
I’m so thrilled to read this! Thank you . . . and congrats to Sophie and your whole family.
Comment by Angela on December 12th, 2009 @ 9:39 am